Monday, March 9, 2009

First Week in Massachusetts

We have survived our first week here! It had its ups and downs.

Some Ups were:
- I got my first job as a freelance writer (I'm writing 4 months' worth of motivational weight loss emails - hilarious, since weight loss is such a bone of contention in my family/life, etc).
- We have been house hunting and it's been pretty eye-opening.
- I've gotten some good driving experience.
- Getting to know the area a little better.
- Awesome weekend weather!
- Good thai curry in Northampton!

Some downs were:
- Andy and I having a huge nasty fight while I was driving, resulting in me throwing the key at him and walking home.
- Apparently spraining my ankle yesterday, not knowing how or when and now being in a fair amount of pain and hobbling around.
- A crazy experience at an open house in Southampton.

I know you want to know about the crazy open house experience. Let me preface it by saying the house was beautiful. A colonial farm-housey house, so quaint and cute but big... lovely. We wanted to see it Saturday but were told they were doing an open house on Sunday, and couldn't we come then? Sure, we said.

We pull up to the house right when the open house starts. The house is lovely.

There is a truck on the road, and a car in the driveway. There's a for sale sign in the yard. There's a man on the porch. 50s-ish, bald, a little frumpy, sitting on the steps.
We get out of the car.
Loud music is coming from the house. Hm. Interesting. Different approach to an open house. Hm.

I wave at the guy as we walk over, and Andy says "Is this where the open house is?"
The guy looks at us, but says nothing.
We get a little closer, I say "Is this the open house?"
We get a little closer.
He finally says (shouts over music), "You'll have to speak up, I'm deaf!"
We see a small handwritten sign on the door as he says, "Debbie's inside!"
We feel relief, sure that Debbie is the realtor for the house. We say "Ok!" And knock and push the door open.

It's a tornado. Clothes and stuff just everywhere. Disaster.
Andy peers around a corner and shouts over the music to someone "Is this the open house?!"
A 50-something skinny, trashy blonde woman (kinda made me think of Veronica, for those of you who know who I'm talking about) comes over with a hairbrush in her hand. "It's cancelled! But you can look around if you want!"

She looks weird. Off. She looks crazy. She comes up to us as Andy says "ok" and she says "just don't walk on my stuff!" The crazy is coming out in her voice.

She looks at me.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Allyn" I say.
She looks at Andy.
"I'm Andy" Andy says.
Nothing. Blank stare.
"We're looking for a house" I say.
"Alright, walk around" she says.

The house is a mess, and it stinks like cigarettes. Music continues to blast.

Andy starts to go up the stairs because we literally can't walk into the living room.
We get to the top of the stairs and stand at the entrance of the door to the bedroom.
The woman comes up the stairs and stands next to Andy and points to the upper corner of the bedroom. "That's where the camera is. I don't know if the microphone is on! Right there!"

Andy backs away. He looks away and says "ok, oh, here's the bathroom!" We try to focus on the bathroom in the face of madness.
The woman stands between us and places the bristly-part of the hairbrush into her mouth.

She starts talking again, I can't focus I just want to run, so I hear nothing. I pull Andy's arm as I go down the stairs. We start walking quickly down the stairs, saying "thank you!"

She follows, saying loudly, "Don't you like the house?"
"Um, we'll see it anther time" Andy says as we walk out the front door.

"One dollar! You can tell them I'm selling it for a dollar" she shouts (remember, the music is still playing).

We get to the bottom of the steps of the porch. We're making our way back to the car.

"And you can have it for one letter! F! As in..." [yes, you've guessed it!] "FUCK it for a FUCK!"

"Uh, Bye!" (We're so polite.)
We leave.

Scarred. And scared. Terrified.

As we leave we see the open house sign says "Open House Canceled".
Serves us right for not reading the sign I guess.


  1. I live in Easthampton and happened upon your blog. Welcome to Western Massachusetts. I work for CISA (Community Involved in Sustaining Agriculture -- Good luck with your house hunt.